Why does LA smell like sh*t? - #53
Hello Friends! Fuck, I got a stomach ache.
This morning I took raw Maca root again in my protein shake and lo and behold, I’m sitting here with a stomach ache… again. Last time this happened with Maca root I got mad and upset with the world and here I am again, rolling on the floor like a baby panda wallowing in its guilt after eating all the bamboo and not saving any room for dinner (okay I get that pandas eat bamboo as their main meal, can you just let me say what I have to say).
I’ve realized about twenty minutes ago that stomach aches are my superpower for cutting through the dumb life trivialities that I put up with. You start questioning why anything makes sense when your stomach is in knots and it’s not exactly nausea. “Are you going to throw up?” I keep asking myself and the answer is still, “No.” It simply wants me to be in pain and convulse — I might as well finish the look by getting Old Yeller to bite me and getting my mouth fizzing like a shaken soda because at this point, between rabies and this stomach ache, one is more likely than the other to produce a need to be aggressive with people.
But I calm down and tell myself, “You are not this next thought.” And you keep that in mind as you put on your shoes to go on a walk because you’ve heard that walking helps digestion according to smart people at some university (you go look it up, I’m not doing that, this is a stream of consciousness, you read?)
Heading outside, every step down the stairs rumbles my stomach into a tsunami and immediately you begin judging if you should go outside ever again, but you do because that’s what a normal person would do — so you continue walking outside, and —
HOLY SHIT.
Why does this front yard area that’s 8ft by 4ft between the sidewalk and the curb smell like dog shit? Maybe if I walk toward the main road —
HOLY SHIT.
Why does Vine Street smell like a putrid hellhole born from the armpits of Satan? Do I want to have smoker lungs by lunchtime? “I’ll walk over to this next street, it has pretty flowers-”
HOLY SHIT.
This smells pretty bad, I’ll tell you that. How many different kinds of shit can live on a street. What about the next neighborhood-
NOPE.
But this nicer neighborhood-
NOT EVEN.
Okay, but-
NO.
And when you pass by the thrown out recliner with maggots, and the diapers, and the homeless people that nobody seems to give a shit about, and the full meals dumped on the curb, and the smog, and the cars, and the literal shit and piss that people dispose of on buildings and IHOP parking lots, and — don’t get me started with the people — I’m not talking homeless people who don’t have access to showers because nobody seems to give a shit about them; I’m talking about people with actual homes and proper access to bathrooms and have money to pay for their stupid fucking nice cars and buy Jordans or nice ass Nikes and yet — yet! — they can’t seem to take a fucking shower at least once every other day. I take a shower every day! I exercise every morning. Some days it’s just to rinse off any sweat. Other days, get cleaning! I use cold water and every day, I wash/rinse my stinky areas: armpits, crotch, back of my neck, feet — anywhere there are bacteria that smells like shit. And yes — that includes the ass. And every few days, I do a full deep clean of my body plus hair. Your skin doesn’t dry out and you feel great and most of all, you don’t smell like shit.
I ranted about this to a fellow assistant coworker and she said, ‘you should start a petition lol”
And so I did.
Answer: Nobody.
LINK: [redacted]
From the petition page:
People of Los Angeles! -- Have you ever walked outside and realized, "Wow, this place smells like shit?" And that it doesn't matter where you go, it just smells everywhere you go.
You could be in central Hollywood or Beverly Hills or Santa Monica or Downtown, and you will find the culprits for the dreaded stench in the City of Angels: trash, smog, pollution, diapers, garbage, uneaten meals, molding food, molding couches, dog shit, cat shit, human shit -- and piss! -- everywhere you go. And the homeless people that need help (in general) can't take a freakin' shower because public restrooms don't exist! What kind of 21st-century city is this where everyday people with homes, not the homeless, can't even take a shower at least once a week, or bother to wear deodorant, or wear socks. SOCKS.
If you think there's not an issue, congratulations! You've been accustomed to smelling shit all the time and your nose is permanently bent toward crap.
Not anymore! Do you want your baby or child or girlfriend or boyfriend or spouse or dog to live in a city smelling like shit?
NO! So tell Mayor Garcetti to clean up this shit! We have 5 demands:
Semi-Annual City Trash Day -- the whole city comes together twice a year to pick up shit. It's a city holiday that businesses are required to pay their employees to go clean the city. Break out the trash bags! We're doing a deep clean!
Public Restrooms with Showers -- little buildings with restrooms and showers dotted every few blocks, covertly covered with shrubs and trees to disguise them in public. The showers can have timers! If the city can employ street sweepers, we can employ bathroom crews. And maps! Online maps to find these bathrooms, and physical, brochure-style maps at these bathrooms to help those without a phone or internet to find other bathrooms in Los Angeles.
Public TrashCans -- I can walk from East Hollywood to Beverly Hills without seeing a single public trash can to dump my litter.
Educate the Public on Proper Bathing -- we can teach kids at schools to not get STDs and coach adults at the library on how to read, but we can't teach people proper bathing? What is this!
Get all the helicopters that drop water on wildfires, load them up with Febreze, and spray down the city -- okay, it's farfetched, but it's possible.
We need a committee! A "No More Bad Smells" committee!
Thank you.