A Brief Opinion on the Coronavirus - #26 - 3/13/2020
[Note: I'm aware that my essay on this topic may have opinions that are no longer correct, or close-minded for that matter. To read an updated opinion on this, please refer to post #27 on this blog. Thanks.]
A Brief Opinion on the Coronavirus
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I was going to talk about my latest Tinder and Hinge experience with all you people (as so many of you replied last week asking, "Yo, u too?"). I'm aware you all want to hear it. I could write about my recent revelations of me screaming in my sleep in the form of night terrors, my possible sleep walking disorder, and my fascination with McDonalds as of late where I want to go in-depth about the "2 for $5 deal" and the economics of the Big Mac. Or the time I took swimming lessons at the Jewish Community Center in WeHo. However, it seems that there is a global pandemic happening, so I must address it.
I'd like to talk about the Coronavirus for a quick second. Here's my opinion, it's only my opinion, nobody else's, and are not representative of my family, apartment, workplace, dog, whatever. Alright? Cool. Here it goes: I think the Coronavirus outbreak is way too over-hyped and is actually completely harmless to the vast majority of people worldwide.
"Well f*** you Don, people are dying, global stock markets are crashing, businesses are closing; old people and kids are getting locked into bubbles at overrun hospitals! How could you be such a heartless bastard?" I'm a horrible man, what can I say. But here's why I'm not worried.
Max Fisher is an incredible journalist at the New York Times. His writing is very matter-of-factly and straight to the point, which I personally consider good journalistic writing. His bio: "Before joining The Times in 2016, he launched several web-based projects aimed at expanding the audience for foreign news. This included, in 2011, an international news vertical for The Atlantic magazine; in 2012, the Washington Post’s foreign news blog, WorldViews; and, in 2014, as one of the founding editors of Vox.com." Incredible. Now, here are two articles written by him that you should read: How Worried Should You Be About the Coronavirus? and Coronavirus ‘Hits All the Hot Buttons’ for How We Misjudge Risk. And as plain as day, those articles confirmed my suspicions. Tacking onto his points, I'd like to point out another reason why we're so scared of this thing: its name. Coronavirus. The name derives from it being a new strand from the SARS-Coronavirus that develops in bats and, as found in February this year, pangolins (these animals) were found to be a 99% confirmed source, but civets are somewhere in the mix. Somewhere in the last 20 years, there's been about half a dozen SARS/Coronavirus outbreaks in different parts of the world. It just so happens that this is the biggest one yet and it also happens to affect Americans and Europeans for the first time, so we're all freaking out. Like all the other times, it'll be fixed eventually. Unfortunately, we can't fix a scientific name because scientists are stubborn people. Coronavirus. Sounds pretty dangerous with all those sharp consonants. COVID-19? Sounds manufactured. From China? That's sooo far away in distant lands. The other side of the planet! This amount of hysteria should be only relegated to names with sharp sounds and existential metaphors, like Deathcon-7, ZingzangX-9000, Rezquarks-X, Xylophonoritis, X1Z1, The Qytosis-ULTRA Plague. That last one especially is real. It affects gym enthusiasts! Diet-watchers on Twitter that use bad hashtags! Reddit weight-loss communities removed from reality! The Qytosis-ULTRA Plague is with us and here to stay.
Virus. What's harsher? Virus or Disease? Virus. Viral! It can spread rapidly and reach everyone like a music video on YouTube with an annoying earworm. But disease? "You have the disease! I came down with the disease." Sounds more clinical than virus, don't you think? You don't say, "I got the virus!" Sounds too life-threatening. Cancer. Alzheimer's. Hepatitis B. And C. These are all categorized as diseases. So to tone down the hysteria, we should call it "The COVID-19 Disease". Doesn't sound so bad, does it? I don't see that anywhere on the news. What if it had a less harsher sounding name?
Can you imagine if the CDC went to CNN going "WTF - we got something straight out of the Tasmanian jungles. A forest boy, who was raised by wolves after being shipped in a crate from Kentucky to Tasmania, dines exclusively on bandicoots and developed a new strain of a neurodegenerative disease that creates the symptoms of dementia; it also eats the brain over a period of 4 weeks until all motor functions are gone and/or a brain aneurysm happens. Oh, and skin lesions - producing open flesh wounds! This boy flew on a plane to Disney World in Florida and infected everybody by sneezing right into other kids' faces. It can travel via blood, water, and air. Merely touching someone can infect their brain and cause them to go cuckoo. There's already 100 people affected and quarantined and we're worried it's going to be a global pandemic in a matter of weeks." And some CNN producer would look at this CDC media relations guy and ask, "Oh my god. That's horrible... what's the name of this virus?" "Well," says the CDC guy, "according to birth records, we found the original name of the boy. His Kentucky parents named him Bubba. And it's not actually a virus. It's a bacteria. So we at the CDC went ahead and named this ravenous disease the 'Bubba Boy Bacteria'. 'The Bubba Boy Disease' if you want to put that on a headline." Now... do you think anybody, absolutely anybody, would ever take the "Bubba Boy Bacteria" seriously? No. They wouldn't. Americans in homes everywhere would read the CNN Headline, "BREAKING NEWS: BUBBA BOY DISEASE EATING BRAINS IN DISNEY WORLD FLORIDA" and they would be like, "Bubba Boy Disease? Get the hell outta here, I ain't afraid of no Bubba Boy."
I'd be scared of a new strain of flu, something that is actually extremely contagious and dangerous. Vaccines would need to be remixed. Hospitals would need to be revamped. Think about the largest killers in history? War, poverty, and influenza. 1889: Russian Flu. 1918: Spanish Flu. 1957: Asian Flu. And the flu in general has killed 10,000 this flu season. 180,000 hospitalized. 19 million caught it. In 2017-18 alone, 61,000 died from the flu. But no, we don't talk about that because it's always been here and we know what the flu is_._ What about HIV/AIDS? Over 35 million people have died from AIDS since it's discovery in 1981, especially those in the gay community where it added justification for laws and policies in the US to ostracize them. But again, we don't talk about that because it's not an immediate threat.
I want to remind everybody that I am in no way saying that the Coronavirus is not a threat. It's still killing people and spreading rapidly worldwide. People in poverty, with poor access to healthcare and have underlying health conditions, like those in the Wuhan province, Iran, and Alabama are dying. However, all I'm asking for is some perspective. If you catch it, and have no underlying health conditions, you have a 98% survival rate. "Hey! I heard it's 20 times deadlier than the flu!" Sure. When you account that the flu kills 0.1% of all those affected and that COVID-19 has a death rate of ~2.0%, yeah it's "20 times deadlier". That number doesn't even account who those 2% are. Mainly old people with underlying health conditions.
Hollywood shutting down its offices, people raiding the toilet paper at Trader Joes, and talk show audiences being disbanded -- is all one big show of security theatre. So people, please do us all a favor and calm down.
Here's a headline that should actually make your eyes widen: Trump to Declare National Emergency to Speed Virus Response. Trump invoking a National Emergency? Obama, Bush, and Clinton would have done it - Clinton actually did during 2000 in response to the West Nile Virus. But Trump invoking a Nat-Emergency should have your ears perked because nothing this man does comes from a civilian-oriented approach. It always comes from a Trump-oriented approach, one in which it benefits him. It's not too far fetched to think of Trump doing rash decisions to postpone the election or something in that area to improve his standing while in the White House. "An emergency declaration would allow a state to request a 75% federal cost-share for expenses that include emergency workers, medical tests, medical supplies, vaccinations, security for medical facilities, and more, according to a letter Democrats sent the president earlier this week." Be on the alert.
Thank you. Now if you'll excuse me, I will go back to my regularly scheduled face touching.
News.Video.Poem
1. Here's something that you actually should be taking note rather than this coronavirus; this is something that could affect us indirectly for years to come: Vladimir Putin Positions Himself to Become Russia’s Eternal Leader. "How does this affect me?" In the same way China has a "President for Life" thing going on, Putin wants to change laws in his faux-parliament to be Russia's leader through the 21st century. It's just another way for Putin to destabilize Western democracies. The Putin Playbook was presented in May 2019 to the Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence, the chairman being Adam Schiff, our congressional district rep that we (including me) elected this year.
2. Dating's Weird, Huh? Some good Mark Normand comedy!
3. Sonnet 15: When I consider everything that grows (and Analysis by Andrew)